Welcoming 2019 with a Hopeful Heart

Monday, December 31, 2018

I am about to get personal and I hope you guys don’t mind. I guess I just really needed to share this and hope that someone can share their experience as well.
Photo taken at Meiji Jingu in Tokyo, Japan
Those who are close to me know that I am an advocate of Law of Attraction and positive thinking. I’ve always believed that a positive mind creates a positive attitude and positive situations. But major life events in 2017 somehow changed me and I’ve been struggling to go back to my old self. Painful feelings just won't go away no matter what I do and those feelings already interfered with all areas of my life. I’ve had difficulty concentrating at work, had zero collaboration efforts, had no plans at all. I’ve become less engaged and less motivated which affected my work relationship and performance. I’ve created less contents for my blog. I’ve struggled to produce a content that really came from my heart. It was very crippling and sad. It feels like I am stuck in a loop and no one can get me out of it but myself.

It took a year before I finally accepted that I was really suffering with my mental health. I was in denial at first because I felt that I have no right to feel that way because it seemed like I was living such a great life. I thought of quitting my day job (I've been here 7 years and counting), but I thought that it would be such a waste to give up everything I’ve worked hard for. I thought of blogging as a full-time career but I was afraid because I don’t know if it will be worth it.

So I took a leave from work and travelled to Japan for half a month to think about what I really want to do. Away from the hustle and bustle of life back home, I found peace. Being in a beautiful place was a great catalyst for some deep thinking. Call me cheesy, but traveling somehow helped me shutdown the mental noise. Now back in Manila, I can’t say that I am perfectly fine now. I’m still trying to make sense of everything that’s going on with me. But now, it became easier to get out of bed and do simple things like walking the dogs outside, cleaning the house etc. I will be back to work in January 7 and hopefully, things will be better.

I am nothing but grateful for my life, my current employer who has been very supportive, and all the opportunities I’ve been given as a travel blogger. To the people (friends and family) who believe that I can conquer anything and who stick around me even if I was not my best self, you guys are the reason why I am trying to overcome what I’m going through one day at a time. 

Cheers to a better 2019! 



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